I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
