Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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