I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
