flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize