i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
