I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
