I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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