U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
