she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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