Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
