But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
