I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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