Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
