He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
