if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize