Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Drunk is not a location!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
