Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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