The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
then he tried to convert me to islam
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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