The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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