We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
