I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
