We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
