my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
