guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
