Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
