and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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