"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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