Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
