The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
