Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
