people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
