Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
