Are we in a gay sports bar?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
