I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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