there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
