i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
