Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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