Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
