don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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