Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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