Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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