some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
