I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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