Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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