OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
