Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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