Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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