I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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