best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
