Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
