I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
