Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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