Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
