you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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