just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
