How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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